Star Wars V Earth: The Epic Saga
by swordofsanghelios
Summary: As the title suggests, read the epic battle pitting the legendary Star Wars vs us, the Earth, in an exciting adventure of a lifetime.


Murica! After kicking the shit out of a Separatist invasion, the United States of America has taken charge of the world after reprogramming the droid armies on earth and establish peace after months of fighting. The war had brought the world into a new age of technology, and quickly unlocked the secrets of the advanced equipment.

After discovering the harsh attack, the Galactic Republic have invited the US president and several others to represent the warlike world.

Learning the Republic caused the conflict after forcing the Separatists into the system, Donald Trump plans to build a wall around the earth, and to make the Republic pay for it….

If you can read this, you don't need glasses….

Maybe…..

 **Senate building, Coruscant**

 **Heart of Republic territory**

 **May 22, 2018**

Today was historic.

The morning sun over Coruscant shined through the smog and illuminated the large city world of the Republic.

It seemed peaceful outside, with people of all species flying in their speeders to wherever they had to go, without a care in the world. The day looked peaceful.

But the same could not be said for the inside of the senate building.

"We will have order here!" Palpatine yelled through the speakers, trying to calm people down after they freaked out from the latest banter from the president. "Mr Trump, please try to explain why you think you should build a wall around your planet, and why we would have to pay for it!"

The crowd erupted with roars and screams of anger. Each member was absolutely furious at the leader of earth, who simply stood their with a smug look on his face. He waited for the people to calm down, then decided to speak.

"Frankly, Chancellor Palpatine, your galaxy stinks, yes, stinks. After the Separatists attacked and we defeated them, so many illegal aliens have been trying to get into our planet. We need to have a wall to keep them out. And you have to pay for it." He paused, then placed his pointer finger onto his thumb, with his other fingers pointing forward, then raised it high, making an 'ok' sign. "Truthfully, it's a HUGE problem."

The crowd was more quiet this time, as many simply shook their heads in disagreement or disapproval. Many senators wanted nothing to do with the Earth, and some went to write a fanfiction about the Republic invading Earth.

"Understand your concern, I do" master Yoda joined the conversation, as his seat floated from its station. "but asking us to build your wall, you cannot. Talk about walls, you do. Many books on architecture, our library has, yes."

"Speaking of libraries, I love books, books are great, in fact, they are fantastic. My whole life is about books, my two favorite are the Bible and the Art of the Deal." He smiled.

"A bible, what is?" Yoda seemed confused, his green wrinkled skin went against the dull grey of the seat he was on.

"It's great. Truthfully, great. The Bible is great, it talks a lot about God, and Jesus, and religion, and and it's great, i love it." Trump smiled as he felt confident about what he spoke of.

"Believe in this Jesus, I do not. Nine hundred years old, I am, and I haven't heard of him." Yoda replied.

"Frankly Master Yoda, Jesus would kick your ass any day," He paused as several teenagers jumped in the air shouting 'get wrecked boy' on a separate seat, then finished, " now can we get back to the wall?"

"Excuse me Mr Trump, but I would like to speak." Ben Carson said semi-quietly. "I've been meaning to speak the Senator of naboo, and ask about their doctoral achievements."

"Go ahead, make their heads hurt." Trump smirked.

"The floor recognizes Dr. Carson of earth." Palpatine said, trying to sound peaceful as he secretly wishes to cut Trump down with his saber.

"Addressing Senator Padme of Naboo," he started, "forgive me if I sound rude, but why is your planet's medical technology so poor? And why don't you have a real army?"

Before she could reply, the most worthless creature in the universe shouted "Ooga ooga waga!" Which was a form of angry insult in his tongue. Jar jar had taken the stage, and was thinking he would teach Dr Carson a thing or two.

"Why does yousa think yousa better than ussa gungans? Wesa have great army!"

"As a neurosurgeon, I can truthfully say that you are pretty retarded." Carson dabbed.

Padme was shocked that Dr Carson easily wrecked Jar Jar's mind, and was quick to retaliate.

"The gungans helped free my people from a massive army of the Separatists!"

"You guys didn't exactly put up much of a fight."

"But they had hundreds! Our forces were no match!"

"Yet we defeated a larger and more technologically advanced force with what's called an army, using actual tactics and we won easily. Your technology while advanced doesn't seem to be very useful, since you couldn't tell that you were having twins or that Anakin is the father."

"How could you know that?" She gasped in surprise.

"Because we can, I'm Dr Carson and I am the greatest neurosurgeon in the universe."

"We don't really need your neurologic science, we Jedi have the force." Jedi master Mundi joined the ever growing conversation. "The force flows through all living beings and we can use it to perform extraordinary feats, in fact-"

"SILENCE DEMON!" The Pope of the Catholic Church landed in between Carson and Trump, as he fell from the roof.

"Who are you to interrupt me?" Mundi demanded.

"How dare you not recognize the Catholic Church! This is an outrage!" The pope yelled furiously.

Trump tried to calm the man down, saying, "Calm down, we don't want you to start the next holy war. Now can we please get back to the wall?"

"You are a foolish old man, I doubt your God exists!" Mundi was almost as close to activating his lightsaber as Palpatine was.

"HERESY!" The Pope yelled, and pulled out a foot long silver cross. "Christ compels you demon!

The reflective light hit Mundi in the eyes, causing painful flashbacks of the Vietnam war immediately filled his mind, making him go into a seizure.

Pope stood proudly, and threatened to do the same to anyone else in the room.

"Ok, if that's all, can we please get back to wall?" Trump asked for the third time.

 _I'm going to cut the fool down if he won't stop I swear to the dark side itself._ Palpatine thought with an evil smile.

Anakin finally showed up to the meeting after he watched to many sandmonster movies, and had taken half the jedi order to get him out of his room and tell him the monsters didn't exist.

"You really shouldn't make threats to us, what could you do against my unlimited pow- I mean unlimited clone army?" Palpatine took a small breath as he thought he saved himself.

"We're america, we'd kick your asses like we did to Chin- I mean the Separatists."

"How dare you!" Anakin fired back, after seeing the arguing intensify. "I doubt you guys even know how to fight!"

"Tell that the veterans from Omaha beach."

"Beaches?" Anakin cried loudly, and gasped. "SAND?!" The emo-like man fell on his knees and started to cry.

Palpatine, after seeing his would-be future apprentice act like a pathetic lifeform, he knew he was running out of patience and options. After taking another look at Trump's smug look, Palpatine could no longer control his actions, and immediately as Trump was about to talk, he could feel the dark side taking over.

Trump smirked to himself, and quickly continued with his hand pointing up, saying, "If it comes down to it and if the Republic doesn't stop making threats, I will reign fire and fury on the galactic senate."

"I AM THE SENATE!" He roared, activating his lightsaber. Palpatine's hood magically went onto his head, and everyone realized he was the sith lord.

Palpatine landed by Trump, using the force to push Carson and the Pope onto the other side of the room, right on top of an angry gonk droid.

"Don't worry about it little Palpatine," Trump stood tall and proud as he was face to face against the Sith Lord, "how about a small loan of a million dollars, that should make you feel better, right little Palp?"

"No, no!" He hissed. "You are little!" Palpatine activated his force lightning, burning the checkbook that Trump had just pulled out.

Trump tripped over himself, trying to duck an incoming swing from the red saber, and nearly fell to the ground. Palpatine swung again, noyl to be blinded by dozens of coins hitting his face.

In anger, Palpatine called upon a massive amount of the force to his will, sending every other being in the building into a convenient to the plot coma. He reached out into the force confidently and started to choke the force that surrounded the confused President. Lifting him into the air as he did, Palpatine laughed to himself at how weak Trump looked as he was being choked by by the Sith Lord.

But suddenly, Palpatine could feel the very ground beneath him shake, as a concrete wall sprouted from the floor hundreds of meters down, the wall made him fall on his ass as it went under Trump's feet. The wall was several feet long and very sturdy, with a golden 'Trump Wall' written on its front.

"Look at her Palpatine." Trump called out. "She's HUGE!"

Palpatine leaped forward, lashing out at the mighty wall with his Saber, only to be spartan-kicked in the face by Trump.

"Palpatine!" Trump roared at the Sith lord. "YOU"

The ground shook harder than ever before.

"ARE"

Palpatine could feel the air in the room increase in temperature, as if something extremely hot was rising.

"FIRED!"

The very fires of hell itself sprang up and turn the once majestic looking man into a shriveled testicle. The fires burned everything in site, save the Trump wall and the man himself who stood proudly.

As the fires consumed the entire planet, and the ceiling started to collapse, Donald Trump dabbed, signifying the end of an era of memes.

And once the Republic fell, a new order arised, called the United Planets of Murica, where they established peace, freedom, and justice to their new empire.

THE END


End file.
